All self-checks

Am I Trauma Bonded? Understanding the Cycle

A trauma bond is a powerful emotional attachment that forms between a person and someone who intermittently harms and nurtures them. It is one of the most misunderstood relationship dynamics — from the outside it looks like a simple choice, but from the inside it feels impossible to break free.

The concept was formally described by Donald Dutton and Susan Painter in their 1993 research, which identified two key conditions that create trauma bonds: a power imbalance between the people involved, and a cyclical pattern of intermittent abuse followed by positive reinforcement. This cycle creates a neurochemical attachment that can be stronger than bonds formed in healthy relationships.

Trauma bonding is not a sign of weakness. It is a predictable psychological response to specific conditions — the same mechanisms that drive it have been observed in hostage situations, cult dynamics, and abusive relationships of all kinds. Understanding the pattern is the first step toward breaking it.

This self-check will help you explore whether the attachment you feel toward someone may be driven by a trauma bond cycle. It does not judge your relationship or tell you what to do — it simply reflects patterns that are worth understanding.

Signs That May Indicate a Trauma Bond

  • You keep returning to a relationship despite knowing it is harmful to you.
  • The good moments feel intensely positive — almost euphoric — making the bad times feel worth enduring.
  • You defend or make excuses for the other person’s behaviour, even to yourself.
  • You feel unable to leave despite having clear reasons to do so.
  • You crave their approval and feel devastated when they withdraw it.
  • The relationship follows a pattern: tension, conflict or harm, reconciliation, calm — then it repeats.
  • You feel a physical sense of panic or withdrawal when you consider ending the relationship.
  • You believe that if you just try harder or love better, things will finally change.

Recognising these patterns does not mean your relationship is definitively abusive. But if several of these feel deeply familiar, the dynamic may be worth examining honestly.

Take the Trauma Bond Self-Check

This self-check explores patterns associated with trauma bonding, drawing on the research of Dutton and Painter (1993) and subsequent work by Patrick Carnes on betrayal bonds. It examines three dimensions: the strength of your emotional attachment despite harm, rationalisation and minimisation patterns, and the presence of power imbalance dynamics.

Your answers are anonymous. This is not a diagnostic tool — it is a structured way to reflect on dynamics that can be very difficult to see clearly from the inside.

Takes about 3 minutes

Disclaimer

This self-check is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical, psychological, or legal advice. It is not a diagnostic tool and should not be treated as a substitute for professional support.